That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
