I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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