I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
