What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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