I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
