If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
