it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
