My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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