Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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