the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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