like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
