I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
