What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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