Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
