I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
