why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize