how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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