I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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