if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
