her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
