There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
