the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
