And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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