last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
