I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So squirting runs in the family.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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