i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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