Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
