Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
