Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
