I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
