oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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