it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
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I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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