i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
