when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
