Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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