The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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