Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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