She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
