Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
