You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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