Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
