You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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