my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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