you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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