I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
