Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
