I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We don't watch enough power rangers
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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