I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's never too late to be topless.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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