i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
