I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
