he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
