I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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