Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
