I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Is it because I queefed?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
