i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
