The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
