I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
