he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
