yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
