i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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