at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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