So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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