she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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