There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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