I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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