i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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