I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
