You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
