pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
