Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
