u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
