the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
