Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
