He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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