Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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