so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
