Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
