try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
