Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
