Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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