is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
