I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
