So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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